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Mirror Mirror

Haven’t seen Snow White in god knows how long but the story is pretty much the same in every fairy tale.  You ever notice how Disney’s earlier movies had a dark morbid sense to them?

Random thoughts by Leyla…

Ok so onto the blah blah blahs:

Its been a few months now that I severed my ties with a woman that in truth, I cared very much for.  So much so that I asked her to be my sons godmother; she was there the day he was born; welcomed into my home which I consider my personal Zen.  5 years of being by her side, having her back and giving my complete trust to.  What I considered to be what I would have considered one of my greatest friendships, turned out to be one of my biggest disappointments.

And people wonder why I’m anti-social.

It was no more than a couple of weeks since my father had passed away.  He died in this house, which I’ll probably wind up talking about in a future post.   In a nutshell, I have never been a vulnerable person.  I’ve always had a stone shell when it came to personal matters and very few people get to see that, whats the word?…Broken side of Sabrina.

Trust me when I say, I was broken.  Still am, but its a process that I’m dealing with every day.

So in this broken time, I actually NEEDED my friend.  I never NEED anything.  I’ m not built that way; to depend on someone or have that need for a shoulder or whatever you wanna call it.  But this one time in my life, it didn’t happen.

Instead, what happened was the world remained revolved around her and her “issues”;   Around insecurities she had no business having.  Around trivial things that overshadowed one of her closest friends dealing with the image of her fathers body sitting in a chair slumped to the side with his eyes open staring into nothingness.

I got very sick after my fathers death.  Food poisoning? Struck with Grief?  More than likely.  I was supposed to have friends over, I guess to help me with the kids and be that consoling force that every person has when they go through the death of a parent.  It was told that they couldn’t come because I was so ill.

But that’s only a half truth.  My husband, who has no reason to lie to me told me flat out that this “friend” didn’t want one of them over because she had an “issue with them”

Really?…Like REALLY?  It comes down to that?  Where she decides who comes into MY home because she cant put her personal differences aside for 48 fucking hours for the sake of someone who is supposed to be someone she cares for?  Survey says…

Fuck yea, I’m angry.  Fuck yea, I’ve been betrayed.  Has it happened before?  Sure it has.  Many times over from different people.  I would not..and did not, expect her to have done that to me.

I would bash that mirror and shatter it into a million pieces.  I would take the remaining shards and scratch out her name from my sons birth certificate with the same enthusiasm a hopeful lotto winner would do with a scratch off card.

And why would I bash my own mirror?  For being stupid enough to believe that people deserve a chance to be believed in.

Mirror mirror on the wall..I done fucked up.  Lesson learned.

 

 

 

 

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