So the mantra for Sabreezy lately has been “Let it out, then let it go.”:
If some thing, or someone pisses me off, I’ll vent, smoke a cig and then not talk about it anymore..just add it to the list of that persons fuckups as a reminder why I shouldn’t bother with them in the first place.
Nothing new in Sabi’s world right?
Well today is no different. This past week has been an uphill ride of challenges and harsh realities; of overcoming obstacles and drawing the line in the sand to see who has the right to be called family and who gets their name with a line drawn through it rather than under it.
First off, I LOVE My Sister. I love her courage, her perseverance, and her determination to be the best mother in the world regardless of what hurdles are thrown her way. Since Our Father passed, we have both made the conscious effort to be involved in each others lives. Did it take Him leaving this world for that to happen? Yes, but I know in my gut that He would be smiling and relieved that we lean on each other now the way sisters are meant to.
And you would think, that positiveness would spread like candy cooties; that people would see the bond that we work on and be like, “hey, I need to get in on that because it’s nothing but love there when you look at the core of it.”
You would THINK, right?
So lets yap a little bit about “the other one”, because this is the last time I’m even going to give her this kind of attention.
We had a talk a few days ago, because yet again, it was all about Her and Her “feelings”
“I feel like I’m being punished by you two because I still talk to Mom.”
“I’m mad at you because you didnt tag me in a picture of your son in facebook.”
and so on and so forth…
Mind you, this conversation happened AFTER she decided to post something on her facebook…because FB is all about moral vindication right? That’s the solution to everybody’s problems right?
“I am so tired of everybody BS. I believe I’m a good person and only have good intentions. I cannot do more than I can do right now. i do what i can to be there for some people and still not enough for them. I’m trying to live this life peacefully with the people i love. But I’m not here to please everybody and make them happy, im here for me and my daughter. If nobody likes the way I live MY LIFE then by all means take me off your FB list. I love my love ones but I’m not going to continue letting people treat me like crap because Im not living the way they think i should live.”
and of course, you get the responses from people who barely know you or know the situation:
“Way to stand up for yourself! : ) Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!!!!”
“Tell them girl yea”
and this one i REALLY loved:
“Babe who cares what others think… you are who you are and that is a beautiful daughter and mother dont let others get to you ! You do you and let them do them . They dont like how you live your life they dont have to be a part of it.”
Well what a great idea.
Let me just set up the cross and you get right up on there because your life has SO much meaning and purpose.
Living life peacefully?..really? That’s why you called our sister on her birthday and tried to make her feel like shit because she deserved to be treated royally and you weren’t included. That’s why you easily blame her for “abandoning you” when she was FIFTEEN while you were out on the streets getting high. That’s why you rant at her for not being included when we went on vacation and being, in your words “jealous and pissed off because you weren’t extended an invitation”
So tired of everybody’s BS: well how about I’m tired of yours? This is the EXACT reason why I didn’t want you involved in my life or better yet, my children’s life in the first place? Because its all fake. Its all bullshit. If I was quick to dismiss a nobody from mine and my children’s existence, what makes you think that I wont do it just as easily with my own blood? No one is asking you to do anything, because frankly, you cant do shit in the first place. Being the oldest sister, now all of a sudden you want to assume that role and demand respect?
No age, no bloodright, no title is going to demand shit. Like anything else in life, you EARN what you think you’re entitled to. And bonus, damaged goods sister of mine, You earned MY right to not have you involved in my life, my kids’ lives or anywhere near my perimeter of great things that happen and continue to happen.
Let it OUT. Then let it go.